We finished day two of school today. This week is a lighter schedule (adding Grammar and Latin next week) as I was a little nervous about our core curriculum. I'd heard that MFW Exploring Countries and Cultures was a significant jump from last years MFW Adventures. The main book in question is called "Properties of Ecosystems." It is definitely written with an older audience in mind (5th-8th would be perfect). As I was reading the first page out loud, I could see panic in Olivia's eyes, but I was ready for that. I told her that this is an introduction of this information for her and not the last time she will hear of these things. I told her to just listen and absorb and see how she feels about it. Olivia gave a visible sigh of relief. Taking that pressure off was just what she needed. She now likes to tell me what her "habitat" is for the day. :) WHEW! Sigh of relief for this momma! We have MANY other books for science this year but I was relieved I didn't have to completely skip this one. Oh yeah, Jake was fine with the whole thing. Science does NOT stress this kid out.
YEA for My Father's World Curriculum!!
So, why the title for this blog? "Angst, Angsty, Angstish?" Dictionary.com says that angst is defined as "a feeling of dread, anxiety, or anguish." I kept telling Jerome I felt "angsty" or "angstish" about this next school year. (Yes, we decided they were both words. )
Why? Why was I filled with dread? Anxiety? It certainly wasn't because I didn't like homeschooling my kiddos. It wasn't because I didn't know what I was going to use. It wasn't cause I hadn't planned enough (hee hee - my close friends will LOL at that one.) So, what was it? Was it anything beyond my slight nerves about the jump in workload?
I prayed and wrote. Wrote and prayed. I wrote a few blog entries that never quite made it here. My thoughts were confused. I prayed for clarity. I had a pity party and then prayed some more. And then I was still enough to listen.
Jerome, ever the good sounding board, helped me flesh out what I was hearing/not getting. As you all know, this was a CRAZY summer. My oldest son married the most wonderful young woman in the entire world and together Megan, my mom, and I planned the whole thing. Praise the LORD Megan is so wonderful and we have the relationship we do cause we did it and we survived!!! But I was EXHAUSTED!! Mentally and physically. What I realized is that since the wedding I had become very selfish with MY time. I was tired, I craved a clean house and no one to mess it up. I wanted to take naps and read. I wanted a quiet, cool, and clean house. I had made an idol of this down time since the wedding and selfishly didn't want to pour that much energy into anything big.
So, what do I do with that realization? Well, I told myself to put on the big girl panties, admit my selfishness and idolatry, and seek strength from the only ONE that can give it. Praise Jesus!
Do I feel all refreshed and ready to take on a new school year? Nope, can't say that I am BUT (now here's the good part) I don't have to be. I have to lean on God here. Through His strength I can do what I am called to do. There is no possible way I can do it on my own. I guess that is why HIS name is glorified and not Amy's. I've schooled in my own strength in the past. Sure we get stuff done and things are learned but it isn't pretty and my kids see the difference. This week we start each day in prayer, just like always, but there's a difference. Instead of just me asking God to help the kids with school I ask my kids to please pray for mommy to fully rely on God today and not her own strength. It is precious to hear your children pray for your faults...humbling and inspiring.
Angsty - my new favorite word.
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